I got engaged just after New Year to a wonderful man. We both want to get married early next year so I have been busy researching what I need to do and when I need to do it with the aim of being as organised as possible. I was feeling pretty good about it all as I have already organised a lot of it. Anyway, yesterday we went round to see my fiance's family and they basically made me feel as if i was doing it all wrong. The date we have set is wrong, as according to my fiances mother, we should be getting married in the summer- "You're getting married in March?! Wouldn't it be better in the summer? Summer weddings are so much nicer". His mother and sister then asked me about my colour scheme and when I said that it would involve the colour mocha (amongst other colours) she said in disgust "Brooooooowwwwnnnnnn?!?!" which made me feel really bad because I know how lovely this colour scheme is going to look. I went on the internet to show her one of the bridesmaid dresses (which was mocha) so that she could see what I meant by mocha, and she looked at it for ages then said "…..well the style of the dress is quite nice…….(long awkward pause)". Apparently I can't get married without a tiara. I personally dislike tiaras and would never wear one, but when I said very politely that I didn't want a tiara, his mother and sister exchanged a look and his sister asked me what was I going to have in my hair to make it look nice!!! I don't want a vintage car to take me to the church but a nice BMW or Mercedes, but apparently this is wrong. His sister had a vintage car and the attitude was that if it was good enough for her then it should be good enough for me! They have a DJ who they particularly want at the wedding because he provides a certain type of music (which many other DJ's also provide). My fiance's family basically said that we needed to check with this man that he is available for our chosen date as if he isn't available then we will need to reschedule the whole wedding and reorganise it for another date when this man is available!!! Arrrrgh! I do want this man to DJ but not if it means changing the date to suit him! They also asked about the wedding cake, and I said that we had decided to have a chocolate wedding cake because neither of us liked fruit cake. This was met with raised eyebrows and exchanging of looks. I feel like the whole meaning of the wedding has been lost underneath all if this, and that they are not listening to what we both want. My fiance says that I should just ignore them and to do it the way we both want to do it, but I don't feel like I can be myself around them. Whenever they do or say something that goes against what we want, I feel like I have to back down or justify my decision (and I can never explain myself properly under their scrutiny). Apparently there is only one way to organise a wedding and it is the way my fiance's sister did it. I do appreciate their advice when it is asked for but they are constantly dismissing my ideas. I know all these individual things don't sound like much of a problem, but when they add it up it is causing me frustration and I don't know how to cope with these people or how to ignore it. Please help before I end up snapping at them?
(My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves).
Put your foot down nicely but firmly early on. Tell them you are glad they are so willing to give you advice about the wedding but you would rather that it was you and your fiance that organised it so that it was exactly the day the pair of you wanted. Stay nice, because then if they have a temper tantrum it is them that looks unreasonable.
And a chocolate wedding cake is an excellent idea, I have always wanted this for my wedding cake because I hate fruit cake too.
It is your big day and should be the way you and your fiance want it - not them. Are they usually so pigheaded? Or has wedding planning brought out an ugly side to them?
Good luck and congratulations